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I was watching the Pop Me x2 video after going through Jo's photos cos I felt like I wanted to watch it again (go figure lol).

And I was paying particular attention to J and J. Lol I wonder how j felt like doing a dance like that. It's hard to tell whether he enjoyed it cos the video's so far away, but I imagine that if he went ahead with it he probably did? I think it's quite amazing that he decided to do a kpop showcase, and if it was cos J encouraged him to and it got him out of his comfort zone, then all the more amazing. Respect brudda.

And then I was watching J in the middle. I don't know why, it made me tear up. You've gotten so much better at dancing since we started dancing together, and thinking about it the other day, that was 3 years ago, when I was only 17 and you were only 28. It kind of hit me really hard, cos it made me realise...EVERYONES been together for 3 years. Why does it feel like so much less time? It's scary...cos even though obviously so much has happened, it feels like it all happened very quickly and suddenly here we are 3 years later. "What went wrong?" wouldn't be the right words to use, but rather...where did all that time, those memories and those relationships go? Well, but on second thoughts, I know the ones that good did come out of, and for those I'm very thankful. Which I guess brings me back to J. You were one of the ones I remember first from the crew because of the Change class we took together. I remember that class quite vividly for some reason, as opposed to Wedding dress which we took later on. Your hair was very red back then...I think lol.

But again, back to the point. Watching you in Pop Me x2, watching you dance, and seeing how much you've matured both emotionally, physically and in terms of dance, I really wanted to cry (I don't think it's PMS this time LOL). I think the thought was, I really really enjoy being friends with you, and the thought that you won't be here anymore in 3 months...it made me extremely sad in the moment. We don't see each other for extended periods of time, nor do we talk much outside of when we do see each other cos we're so busy (at least I hope that assumption is correct...). But I know that despite us being so many years apart, and not having much reason to interact much, the few times we've gotten a chance to talk properly are very special to me. You said yourself that you were immature, a long time ago, on that bench in Market City when we exchanged thoughts and secrets. When I think about it, I guess communication was never really a problem for us. In fact, I could probably find the blog post from that day lol. But then that would mean revisiting the old me...which I think I'll save for a day when I feel a bit braver.

Again, BACK TO THE POINT LOL. Even though you're not gone forever (I hope, if all goes well at least), and even though we'll still be able to talk over fb etc, I'm scared that I'll lose that relationship with you. I really respect you and I think I can be myself around you. Your presence is always just there that I think I've taken it for granted especially at the studio. What happens when you leave? 3 years and then poof. It'll honestly be a chunk of the studio gone, to me. I'm just feeling so lost right now for some reason.

Before you go we have to do something fun! Make a cover, the 4 of us maybe? =D Go somewhere fun, just enjoy a day to ourselves maybe in the holidays =D (If you're not too busy cramming your thesis D;). Lunch together is a given =) All I know is that I want to spend a lot of time with you before you go, and perhaps if possible take you to the airport on the day you leave. I think if I do, or I don't, either way I'm going to cry like a baby. I'm starting to realise how much I'll miss you when you leave. I won't say please don't go, because your life is headed for bigger things and you're moving forward, which is wonderful, and I'm so proud of what you've done and achieved in the time you've been with us. Plus you're going home, which is most important I think. But you better come back, cos you're an inspiring person and very warm friend, and a friend I want to keep in my life, as selfish as that sounds xP

As E said, I love you J! (again, I only say that when I mean it so you know I do ;P)




-sigh- now if only I could work up the courage to say that to a certain someone else...